Desperation...

Yeah...
been thinking that I might be not in the right track....
uhhmm...you know what I mean...
yupp...
doing such a thing but ended up with nothing....
I mean....
I love this kind of thing so much...
bridge..new building and the things that related to it....
been spending with this more than 2 years doing what I've been doing...
yeah...
I was in a great uhhm well...
you can say it as Passion...
have had this passion about "building" things since I was in the high school...
but now...
it was just all disappeared like ash...
Do I really have to do it???
Do I really need to move on with it???
or do I have to stop???
even if I choose to stop...
I have no where to go...
I mean...
I don't even have any path to  go...
I don't know what I like the most...
and what I really want to pursue...
have no idea at all...
where should I go...
where should I run to...
all of them are talking about it...
talking about how difficult this subject...
how suffering during this project...
and I can't even breath properly...
do I really suitable with this field even I like it so much??
does it means that something we "just" like have to be the thing that we have to pursue???
no passion...
no energy...
been thinking where is exactly my road???

too ashamed to talk to the beloved one...
they are the reason I've been hanging here...
I have no face that I can offer to them...


maybe you can conclude this as  a desperation without a problem...
than how come we can solve this desperation ...
if we don't even have the problem that cause it???

MAMA 2012 and I'm A real VIP

for me...
I just knew about MAMA (Mnet Award) this year...
because big bang and others singer keep on talking about it...
for them as a singer, MAMA is the closing ceremony award that been waited by all Korean singer..
every year they all wait for this event...
and this year...YG family own the night...
not only they received the most award...
but they also did a great performance just like they always do...
yeah...YG family always make the best live performances all the time...
and for MAMA this year...
as one of VIP (fans club for big bang ) I was so amazed with their performance...
It was really DOPE!!!!!
I don't have any word to describe it...
totally speechless...
I don't know how to explain it...
och my gosh...
TOP with his pinky outfit and his killer eyes...
daesung with his Greyish hair and unique microphone...
G-dragon with his red hair and totally into it...
and the cutest member young bae...
with his B-boy style like he always do...
not to forget the recent member who cause some scandal...
seungri with his white outfit and his mask...
whooaaaaa....
really really really DAEBAK!!!!.

here is the performance...
 Fantastic Baby
and also...
Crayon

Congratulation for YG family...
Artist of the year and song of the year,,,
2012 is daebak!!!! :) :)

everything change !!!!

what did I do ???
this question keep spinning in my head...
whooaaa...
why they are so cruel to me ?? 
why ??? 
I just wondering...
uhmm...
no one to talk to...
there is no one for me to talk to...
acchhh...
been crying for the past few days...
aachhh....

rainy season

aah...
it's been awhile the rain keep pouring this mother earth...
yah...
rainy season is coming...
and homesick is still sticking in me...
been suffering from this disease and can stand up properly...
I keep on eating something that keep me from this sadness...
I just wanna survived....
wanted to call my mom so badly...
but I can't...
I don't wanna cry when I talk to her...
I don't wanna make her worry about me...
I just wanna quit from this academy things!!!...
it's so tough and I can't bear with it any more ..  
been so sick inside me and I can't even have the courage to attend any class...
I don't even have classmate who used to help me just like before...
ahh...
been crying for the past few days...
and also been smiling to cover up that I'm ok in front of people ...
och...
yah...
I'm not ok...
I do really not ok...
it's so tough to pretend like nothing happen...
the final exam is around the corner...
can I survive till the end...
please help me god...

mom...
I miss you so badly...
T_T

gloomy and messy day !!!

do you ever feel like running away?? just suddenly leaving . 
no note...no warning... just getting your shit and leaving...
for me right now the feeling is real...

I just wanna run away with my music...

take train...

buses and just go to nowhere to be found...

I just want to run where no one will know where I am...

And when I get there...

the first thing that I wanna do is crying....

just stay there until I feel better...

It's been so tough for me...

I think I need a psychologist  right now...

or someone who can cheer me up....

och gosh...

It's so hard...

so so so hard...

I know god..

I know I can't complain anything to you..

I have to be thankful  no matter what is happening...

but can you just hug me tight this time...

I just don't know where should I stand...

I am  lost god ...

ahh...
what should I do???
T_T

Fun and hilarious

here are some great saying and quotes that's really catch my eyes... :) 

Lol... :P

so damn true...

it's just another way to say "get lost"
lol

lol

yes!!!! damn true!!!

Is this a farewell or ???

another tough and sad night that we have to get through it...

yeah...

another meeting that we have to spend with full of consideration...

for me it's really lucky to have him as our plump-advisor for our meeting...

he knows how to get our attention..

everyone's respect him...

that's what we need to be our leader but we can't do anything about it due to his busy schedule...

in conclusion for our meeting...

I meant...

we had an event that really need our full attention and commitment...

but for him as our plump-advisor...

the things that our club itself lack is that commitment and trust among all of us...

because of this...

almost all of us wanna walk away from this event...

even for me...

I don't have any more confidence to continue this event..

it's really has so many problem that we are going to face in the future...

not to mention that I'm being pessimist...

but it's true...
I've never thought about this before...
but after he explained everything...
now I realize "yaaa... it is gonna be fail if we are going to enforce it" 

if...
if this event is going to be cancelled in the future...
I might be walk away...
I'm not sure...
but now my heart is really full of consideration if this event gonna be restructure again...
I might not be part of this event any more... 
whuuaaaaa....
I'm going to cry...
I don't know...
but for sure..
I do love this club...
we've done so many event together...
we've achieved so many things too...
start from the first event that we've been in it...
until the last meeting that I have attended...
feels like really hard for me to walk away...
but maybe I have to...
but let's see what is going to happen in the future...

I know god is going to give the best decision for me...
really hope for the best...
"finger cross...

It's hard to get now...