Big decision...

in few days I'm gonna make such a big decision where it would determine where my future will be..
I've been delaying to announce this decision almost 2 weeks...
and that makes my life more miserable...
yeah...
I have no idea my academy life would be end right now...
but I can't continue it any further...
I really can't....
and I just don't have the passion anymore...
I need to stop now...
no... I have to stop no matter what....
but the big things in this situation...
I have no idea how do I tell them..
the one who always support me no matter what..
the one who never betray me...
the one who always be there in my darkest time...
how am I gonna tell them that I don't wanna continue my old passion anymore?
I don't wanna hurt them...
they are the people in my life that I would never ever going to hurt...
but now...
I think that I might gonna hurt them...
I'm the first one....
what should I do??
are they going to accept it??

mom...
I've already plan my future now...
I know where my road will lead me...
Sis..
can I take this new road Instead of my old road?
Mom and Sis...
I know I don't have the right to make a new deal about it...
but can I ???
the word sorry is not enough to express my failure...
but please...
forgive me this time and let me choose my new path...

thank you...
thank you for all this times...
thank you...
thank you...
xoxo...
:)

Ps : I was planning to choose Le Cordon blue academy...
either in Malaysia or Korea....
wuhuuuuu... gonna talk about it soon when they give me the chance to continue this new road..
fingers cross!!!!! :) :)

life is hard...

hulaaaaa....
it's been awhile...
finally back to blog again...
:) :)
i have so many things to say here but you know me so well...
I'm quite lazy to write...
because I prefer to talk...lol :P
but I'll try my best to tell everything that I've done...
everything that I've been through this whole CNY break...
but I'm not gonna start it now...
soooooonnnn...
ahahahhaha
yeah...
I'm so damn tired right now but my eyes can't  cooperate with me...
luckily I'll have afternoon class...
hope every things gonna be ok...
thanks god for today...
I've been so blessed...
and please bless me whenever,wherever and whatever I do...
and thanks for bless my family too...
love and peace...
^RNS^

Ps: I have a job now...hurraaaaahhh...
:) :) :) now I know how hard my parents have to earn money for all of us...
thanks god...
and I've been blessed that I can feel how hard it is...
so that I can use their money wisely...

Tanah surga...katanya...

Today I would like to talk a little bit about my country...
Yupp...
Indonesia!
hurraaaaayyyy.... :) :) 
I was born and raised in Indonesia...
real Indonesian!!!
I admit that Indonesia before and after is completely different...
but lemme tell ya...
this is the first time during my wander-about in another country...
watched such a great great  and inspired movie that really touched me...
I watched about 2 movie in a day....
and both of them really really really make me thinking...
yes...
"where there is a will there is a way..."
that is the best quote of the day that really touched me during movie time...
it's not like I've never heard it...
but the way they implement the quote is the point...
it's really amazed me...
here is the link...
Tanah surga...katanya...

and this is another great movie that is really recommended by me....
Negeri 5 menara...

don't you ever miss this movie...
have a great day Indonesia... <3

Desperation...

Yeah...
been thinking that I might be not in the right track....
uhhmm...you know what I mean...
yupp...
doing such a thing but ended up with nothing....
I mean....
I love this kind of thing so much...
bridge..new building and the things that related to it....
been spending with this more than 2 years doing what I've been doing...
yeah...
I was in a great uhhm well...
you can say it as Passion...
have had this passion about "building" things since I was in the high school...
but now...
it was just all disappeared like ash...
Do I really have to do it???
Do I really need to move on with it???
or do I have to stop???
even if I choose to stop...
I have no where to go...
I mean...
I don't even have any path to  go...
I don't know what I like the most...
and what I really want to pursue...
have no idea at all...
where should I go...
where should I run to...
all of them are talking about it...
talking about how difficult this subject...
how suffering during this project...
and I can't even breath properly...
do I really suitable with this field even I like it so much??
does it means that something we "just" like have to be the thing that we have to pursue???
no passion...
no energy...
been thinking where is exactly my road???

too ashamed to talk to the beloved one...
they are the reason I've been hanging here...
I have no face that I can offer to them...


maybe you can conclude this as  a desperation without a problem...
than how come we can solve this desperation ...
if we don't even have the problem that cause it???

MAMA 2012 and I'm A real VIP

for me...
I just knew about MAMA (Mnet Award) this year...
because big bang and others singer keep on talking about it...
for them as a singer, MAMA is the closing ceremony award that been waited by all Korean singer..
every year they all wait for this event...
and this year...YG family own the night...
not only they received the most award...
but they also did a great performance just like they always do...
yeah...YG family always make the best live performances all the time...
and for MAMA this year...
as one of VIP (fans club for big bang ) I was so amazed with their performance...
It was really DOPE!!!!!
I don't have any word to describe it...
totally speechless...
I don't know how to explain it...
och my gosh...
TOP with his pinky outfit and his killer eyes...
daesung with his Greyish hair and unique microphone...
G-dragon with his red hair and totally into it...
and the cutest member young bae...
with his B-boy style like he always do...
not to forget the recent member who cause some scandal...
seungri with his white outfit and his mask...
whooaaaaa....
really really really DAEBAK!!!!.

here is the performance...
 Fantastic Baby
and also...
Crayon

Congratulation for YG family...
Artist of the year and song of the year,,,
2012 is daebak!!!! :) :)

everything change !!!!

what did I do ???
this question keep spinning in my head...
whooaaa...
why they are so cruel to me ?? 
why ??? 
I just wondering...
uhmm...
no one to talk to...
there is no one for me to talk to...
acchhh...
been crying for the past few days...
aachhh....

rainy season

aah...
it's been awhile the rain keep pouring this mother earth...
yah...
rainy season is coming...
and homesick is still sticking in me...
been suffering from this disease and can stand up properly...
I keep on eating something that keep me from this sadness...
I just wanna survived....
wanted to call my mom so badly...
but I can't...
I don't wanna cry when I talk to her...
I don't wanna make her worry about me...
I just wanna quit from this academy things!!!...
it's so tough and I can't bear with it any more ..  
been so sick inside me and I can't even have the courage to attend any class...
I don't even have classmate who used to help me just like before...
ahh...
been crying for the past few days...
and also been smiling to cover up that I'm ok in front of people ...
och...
yah...
I'm not ok...
I do really not ok...
it's so tough to pretend like nothing happen...
the final exam is around the corner...
can I survive till the end...
please help me god...

mom...
I miss you so badly...
T_T